A Midwife’s Tale & The Concept of “Me Time”

Reading is at its best when it is not only entertaining, but enlightening, instructional and thought-provoking.  When it takes one outside of one’s self and one’s small circle of thinking.  I just finished a book like that, A Midwife’s Tale: The Life of Martha Ballard, Based on Her Diary, by Laural Thatcher Ulrich.  The book uses excerpts from Martha Ballard’s diary, fills out her story with rich detail culled from meticulous research and adds in information about the politics, social norms and mores of the time period in which she kept her diary (1785-1812 – what a time period in which to live, no?).

Martha Ballard was a wife and mother, but also a very successful midwife in a small Maine town.  Her diary is terse, with that interesting and moving target of spelling so peculiar to that time period and is a record book that keeps track of the births and deaths to which she’s attended, epidemics that swept through her town as well as notes on her daily activities as wife and mother.  She keeps track of when she was paid and how much and tallies the number of babies she helped bring into the world.  She was a woman who, to use 21st Century terminology, had it all.  She literally brought home the bacon.

It’s exhausting just reading about her days.  Her diary is filled with activities: tending to sheep, pigs and turkeys;  making candles and spinning wool and sewing clothes; brewing beer and making “flower” (flour) bread; cleaning her pantry, hauling wood, weeding, planting and harvesting her productive garden; raising her children and tending grandchildren and seeing that her husband had what he needed to go off on his long surveying trips.  She regularly bartered for both services and goods, sold seeds, shared her oven and loom with neighbors and acted as mistress to a myriad of young, female apprentices.  She did all of these things along with her duties as midwife.  Called at all hours of the day and night and in good weather and bad she crossed frozen rivers, climbed steep hills, fell off of horses and got stuck in mud – but she reached her patients and tended to them with skill, confidence and tender care.  Except for the few moments when she could scribble brief notes in her diary, Martha had no Me Time.  Undoubtedly the concept of Me Time would have puzzled her.  It probably would have seemed to her the ultimate of selfishness and pride.  Martha’s whole existence was about being in service to others.  To bring comfort and healing and to raise the next generation.

Which makes those occasions when I slip into self-pity at not having enough time to read, write, workout, practice yoga, putter in the kitchen or just gaze vacantly into space all the more ridiculous and embarrassing.  Yes, I cook and clean and tend (barely) to a garden and have 10,000 little tasks that need attention every day – but – is not most of my time really Me Time?  Hasn’t life become so convenient that all of the things I need to do can be done quickly and efficiently?  In addition to deciding what goes on our plates three times each day, do I have to worry about typhoid fever, measles and intestinal worms?  About not having enough food because the year’s harvest was poor?  About a lack of fuel to warm my home or cook my meal?  Or how about having to make my own clothes – from animal/plant to weaving the fabric?  Looking at it that way, I’m lousy with Me Time.

Martha’s diary makes me grateful for many things.  I’m grateful that I was not born in the 18th Century, for one.  I’m grateful for antibiotics and vaccines; bandages that stay on when wet, sutures that dissolve and for doctors who no longer bleed our bodies when our bodies can least afford to be bled.  I’m grateful for 24-hour grocery stores, telephones and daily showers; fresh and abundant food, lights by which to read at night; furnaces and A/Cs, a house absent of fleas; indoor toilets and a stove I don’t need to stoke each morning.  What would Martha think of all of these riches?  Unnecessary luxuries, probably.

I now try to keep Martha in mind as I go about my day.  When I find myself slipping into self-pity, I think about her being woken at 2 in the morning in deepest, coldest winter to attend to a birth, how tired and sore she must’ve been after her full days or about how time-consuming the preparation of one meal for houseful of people had to be.  A little mental slap in the face.  A reminder about how good I have it, how easy my life really is.

27 thoughts on “A Midwife’s Tale & The Concept of “Me Time”

  1. veganmonologue

    I love mental slaps in the face like that. If only we could hold onto them long enough to get us through the next small thing that goes wrong. I want to read this book.

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  2. tearoomdelights

    Very well written and a great reminder of how much time we have to ourselves really. We become complacent so often and it takes deliberate effort to remind ourselves of just how lucky we are. It’s hard to imagine life in the 18th century without all the mod-cons we have now, but I wonder what it will be like for people in the 23d century looking back at us.

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  3. emmycooks

    I can’t even imagine! I think it is true that whatever we think we have to do will expand to fill what seems to be every moment of our time. Which means both that we’d be capable of doing much more if needed, but also that we should appreciate and enjoy the fact that we DON’T need to be working every moment of the day to survive.

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  4. Richgail Enriquez

    What a wonderful reflection. In a way, we’re also reading your diary and making us also reflect. Thanks for sharing! There’s this book I love to read called “Half The Sky”, which talks about impoverished lives of women in India, Pakistan, Cambodia and how they don’t lose hope and make the best out of what they’re dealt with. I highly recommend reading it.

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  5. Kristy

    Preach on, sister! I love it when we have awakenings like that that make us see our reality in a whole new light. How wonderful is it that we are who we are in the time we are in? How did we get to be so blessed? Thank you for this reminder, Annie. So beautiful. 🙂

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  6. Somer

    Aren’t we spoiled? I recently read a book about hardship that pioneers faced as they crossed the plains in the middle of winter. Cannot imagine going through those things. Not to say we don’t have challenges, but I would pick my battles today any day versus those that they faced a century or two ago!

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  7. Shira

    We are lucky, blessed, and given a unique opportunity to enlighten each other daily on this very topic! Amazing to be reminded so clearly of the ‘struggles’ people faced, and continue to face today in most other parts of the world just to live. I bet the gratification she experienced was immense as a result of her amazing work too! An inspiring read I am sure, and thanks for sharing your thoughts so eloquently Ann!

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  8. Rachel in Veganland

    Oh wow, Annie! What a terrific post! You’ve gotten me all inspired yet again! There is a really great documentary that focuses on Martha Ballard that I watched in one of my classes on women in Early America. It does some reenactments and also provides lots of commentary by the historian who has worked with Martha’s diary and I think is the author of the book you read! I think it’s available from PBS, so you should be able to watch it online for free via the PBS website!!! You’ve definitely made me want to pick up this book and have a read!!

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    1. An Unrefined Vegan

      That’s an interesting thought – had to roll that around my head for a while. For me I think “me time” translates into alone time which feels necessary for me. Without it I tend to feel scattered and stressed. Luckily I have the luxury of alone time now and again!

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  9. Gabby @ the veggie nook

    What a lovely poetic post my dear! You are so right. The hardships and difficulties we face today, while real and important are in a completely different category than those faced in the 18th century. Suddenly me having to get up in the morning at 4 am or not having time to sit down and read a chapter of my book sounds trivial! Thanks for such an important reminder.

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  10. shimmeshine

    Beautiful, I need to read that book.
    Its sad, how we stop counting our blessings and get ourselves in a self-pity state….we sure need those mental slaps to shake us and wake us up 🙂

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  11. Fran

    Thanks for reminding us to keep our everyday “problems” in perspective. I read a book that had a similar effect on me, as well as making me wonder how much of my time and my self I really want to invest in modern conveniences. It’s called “Better Off: Flipping the switch on technology,” by Eric Brende. It’s his own attempt to live low-tech for 18 months (in the present day), and it was fascinating, insightful, and often beautiful.

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