Happy Birthday

Charles

How do you celebrate a birthday when the celebrant is no longer Here?  Though time has ceased to tock forward for him – my brother will stay 51 for as long as I am alive – it still feels right to honor the day that he came into the world.  His passing does not lessen his impact on my life.  New memories will not be made, but the old provide comfort and smiles and tears.  Happy birthday, Charles.

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51 thoughts on “Happy Birthday

  1. Kylie says:

    Sending love your way.

  2. Fran says:

    I hope you find peace and comfort on this day. The first time my Mom’s birthday came after she died, I bought her favorite candy and ate it with my sister and brother-in-law. I think she would have wanted us to enjoy it–both on her behalf and for ourselves.

  3. eager urbanist says:

    On my Mom’s birthday in the first year after she died, I bought her favorite candy and ate it with my sister and brother-in-law. I had so many memories of begging for “just one more” of those dark chocolate-covered orange peels whenever my Mom received them as a holiday gift. So, the thought of willingly sharing them with my sister that day brought a smile to my face.

    I hope you find peace and comfort today, and something connected to your brother that makes you smile.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      That’s lovely – such a simple and sweet way to remember your mom. Thank you for your kind words – I really appreciate it. Best to you.

  4. tearoomdelights says:

    I think honouring his birthday is a lovely way to keep your memories alive and remind you of someone who’s made your life richer.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      I don’t ever want to forget him – not that I would, but life does go on – so it feels right to take time on his birthday to remember and honor and grieve.

  5. Isobel Morrell says:

    Say a special prayer for him, which includes wishing him Happy Birthday, Annie: then, if he were my brother, I’d have a special Mass said for him (Intenion), and then drink a special toast to him! That should cover it! Love Isbel

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      You’ve definitely got the drink/toast part right! Kel and I will lift a frosty can of beer today. His beverage of choice. Thank you, Isobel. Love.

  6. narf77 says:

    We planted a tree for mum when she died and whenever an aniversary comes along, I take her a little bunch of flowers and have a chat with her. We learn about how precious life is when we lose someone incredibly close to us and their loss is our reminder to live our lives to the fullest. It slowly gets easier Annie…slowly but surely and one day you will be able to keep your brother in your heart without all of the accompanying pain.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      I love the idea of planting something – something that will grow and be ALIVE. We need to do that. My brother would love it, too, actually – he had a garden and many fruit trees of which he was so proud. Thank you for the brilliant idea, my dear. And for your sweet words.

      • narf77 says:

        A beautiful fruit tree would be an amazing idea Annie! It’s somewhere that you can go and sit next to (perhaps even under when it gets bigger with a nice bench seat?) and have a bit of a chat to your brother. Its a solid representation of them and it certainly helped me get my head around mums death. Glad I could give you a good idea, you give me SO many on your wonderful website…I owe you :)

  7. Lori says:

    I think that you should give yourself a special memory/ritual on his birthday each year. The birthday is such a positive reminder of when he was first given life. The anniversary of death will always be remembered, but it is more than likely to be a day of mourning. Celebrate the birth! (I still do this for my very close friend who died when we were 28. His birthday is an easier day for me to play through the memories than the day when he passed away. ) It is so hard and so fresh for you right now. But, over the years, I have noticed that it becomes a little easier to remember the laughter and the fun you had together and focus on the good times.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      As usual, Lori, your advice is perfect. Although I’m feeling quite sad today, the sadness is tempered with good memories. In years past, we would be spending time together – usually on his birthday – with mom and dad down in Florida. We had some great trips.

      Kel and I will be drinking a beer (a cheap beer, as would be his way) in his honor.

  8. inkspeare says:

    He is there with you, in essence and spirit, celebrating next to you, and happy that you cherish the good memories.

  9. Somer says:

    Happy Birthday to Charles. He can feel your love my dear. Wishing I could hug you right now. xoxo

  10. Sweet Posy Dreams says:

    Best wishes to you today and every day, Annie.

  11. Barb@ThatWasVegan? says:

    Hugs and best wishes to you!

  12. 40 Fit In The Mitt says:

    I absolutely still celebrate my brothers birthdays even though they are gone. I always light a candle and make a wish for them. One rule I have is to only focus on the good memories. Happy Birthday to your brother Charles.

  13. Kristy says:

    Happy Birthday, Charles. Big hugs, Annie. xo

  14. Sarah says:

    As long as you don’t forget, they will always be with you :-)

  15. Brittany says:

    This post gave me chills. A perfect way to honor your brother!! Happy Birthday to him forever!! You are a great sister!

  16. annesturetucker says:

    This will always be a special day to honor your beautiful brother!
    Thinking of you Annie and sending you love!! XXXXX

  17. Rachel in Veganland says:

    This is such a bittersweet post, Annie. It is so wonderful of you to celebrate your brother’s life the way you do. Good energy sent to you on this day!

  18. Richa says:

    Happy Birthday to Charles. Thinking of you and sending you love and hugs Annie.

  19. Shira says:

    What a heart-breakingly beautiful post Annie! May you always celebrate the life and birthday of this most beautiful person in your life :) Much love to you and your family XX

  20. GiRRL_Earth says:

    My brother passed at the age of 50 on October 31, 2010. I never though to honor his birthday, which just passed on Jan 31; however, I always write a “in memory” post on the day he passed away. I like your idea of honoring someone on the day they entered the world, not parted with it.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      Oh wow. I’m so sorry. It’s lovely that you write about him each year. I think that both occasions are worth pausing for – they have such separate but equally important meanings/feeling/memories.

  21. Herbivore Triathlete says:

    Happy Birthday to Charles! What a wonderful way to honor and cherish his memory, wishing you peace on this day.

  22. biggsis says:

    So sorry for such a deep loss. Birthdays of, and with, siblings hold so many rich memories.

    • An Unrefined Vegan says:

      He was the oldest, the groundbreaker, the leader. I can’t remember ever fighting with him or being angry at him – so yes – lots of sweet memories.

  23. Vanessa says:

    Beautiful post and a great photo of him. So sorry he was not here to celebrate with you but glad you still have the memories to hold on to :)

  24. Becky says:

    Happy birthday, Charles! I’m sorry to hear that you lost your brother, and it’s wonderful that you still honor him on his birthday.

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