Bake & Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans Book Tour

plate of falafel waffles

“Hey, I kid because I love!” – Krusty the Clown, from The Simpsons

Every once in a while as I’m driving through the comatose streets of my adopted town – usually lamenting the lack of decent places to eat – I get a wild hair to open a vegan cafe and bakery.  Mostly just to tweak the locals who consider tofu to be ethnic food and think that I’m undergoing chemo because my upper arms don’t jiggle.  In a community of approximately 5,700, there are about 10 eateries, which sounds like a lot until you factor in that 50% of these have closed their doors.  I don’t eat fast food, so that nixes 2 additional spots; and I can forget about finding anything at the remaining establishments that doesn’t contain some form of dead animal.  There’s no-way-no-how a vegan restaurant has a prayer of making it.  Period.  So my wild hair shrivels and it’s back to my own kitchen where I know exactly what’s going into the loaf pan and the pot.

But if I did open a vegan restaurant, I wouldn’t tell anyone that it was vegan and I’d call it Meat World Cafe with the motto, “Even Our Cheese Has Meat!” so that no suspicions would be raised about there being such toxins as broccoli, beans, tomatoes, or tempeh in their Blue Plate Specials.  To further obfuscate matters, I’d give breakfast dishes names like The Early Bird Special, You Don’t Know Jack Hash, or Honky Tonk French Toast; a typical lunch dish would be Grilled Mac ‘n’ Cheez Sandwich and dinners might include French Fry Tacos and Green Bean Casserole Pizza.

photo of cow

Coincidentally (except there are no coincidences, are there?), Natalie Slater has already given these names to recipes in her book, Bake & Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans.  Exactly the kind of meals I would serve at my plant-based cafe.Bake & Destroy

Admittedly, something called a Falafel Waffle probably would get noticed.  So I won’t be sharing this at my cafe.  But I will share the recipe with you, courtesy of Ms. Slater.

falafel waffle collage

Falafel Waffles
Yields 8
If it’s edible, there’s a 99 percent chance I’ve smooshed it into my waffle maker just to see what would happen. In the case of falafel, the result is a crispy-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside savory waffle— no deep-frying required! This hummus recipe is great with pita and veggies as well, just reduce the amount of tahini to a few tablespoons (about 30 ml). - Natalie Slater
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241 calories
23 g
0 g
15 g
7 g
2 g
165 g
407 g
2 g
0 g
11 g
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size
165g
Yields
8
Amount Per Serving
Calories 241
Calories from Fat 127
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 15g
23%
Saturated Fat 2g
10%
Trans Fat 0g
Polyunsaturated Fat 3g
Monounsaturated Fat 8g
Cholesterol 0mg
0%
Sodium 407mg
17%
Total Carbohydrates 23g
8%
Dietary Fiber 2g
6%
Sugars 2g
Protein 7g
Vitamin A
8%
Vitamin C
14%
Calcium
8%
Iron
11%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your Daily Values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
FALAFEL BATTER
  1. 2 (15-ounce [425 g]) cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed
  2. ¼ cup (15 g) chopped fresh parsley
  3. 1 small onion, minced
  4. 2 cloves garlic, minced
  5. ½ teaspoon ground coriander
  6. ½ teaspoon ground cumin powder
  7. salt and freshly ground black pepper
  8. 1 ½ teaspoons all-purpose flour
  9. 1 teaspoon baking soda
HUMMUS “SYRUP”
  1. 1 (15-ounce [425 g]) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
  2. Juice from ½ lemon
  3. ¼ cup (60 g) tahini
  4. ¼ cup (60 ml) olive oil
  5. 1 to 2 cloves garlic
  6. Pinch of salt
TOPPING
  1. 1 medium-size cucumber, diced
  2. 1 large tomato, diced
  3. Juice from ½ lemon
  4. 1 tablespoon (15 ml) olive oil
  5. Salt and freshly ground black pepper
To make the falafel batter
  1. Use a food processor to blend the chickpeas, parsley, onion and garlic until there are no large chunks (small chunks are fine; they give the falafel texture)—you might need to do this in two or three batches. Transfer this mixture to a large bowl and stir in the coriander, cumin, salt, pepper, flour and baking soda. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
Make the Hummus
  1. While that sets up, make the hummus “syrup.” Combine all the ingredients in a food processor until you have a creamy texture. It should be looser than a typical hummus, so you can pipe it on top of the cooked waffle.
  2. Following the manufacturer’s directions, preheat your waffle maker and spray it with cooking spray. If you can choose a temperature, go with medium. Spoon about 1⁄3 cup (70 g) of the falafel batter into each cavity and close the cover. Cook for 12 to 15 minutes, until the outside is crispy and lightly browned.
Make the topping
  1. Toss the cucumber and tomato in the lemon juice and olive oil and season to taste with salt and pepper.
  2. Top the falafel waffle with hummus and a generous pile of tomato and cucumber. Serve warm.
Notes
  1. From Bake & Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans, by Natalie Slater. Used by permission from Page Street Publishing Co.
beta
calories
241
fat
15g
protein
7g
carbs
23g
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90 thoughts on “Bake & Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans Book Tour

  1. Sophie33

    This book sounds a really tasty book! These falafel wafles look strange but tasty! Your other recipes, aka the endresults say: Make me & eat me right now! 🙂 Thanks!

    Reply
  2. tearoomdelights

    Hilarious! I would definitely eat at your restaurant, love the picture of the cow. I also love the idea and look of those falafel waffles, they make perfect sense and sound totally delicious.

    Reply
  3. coconutandberries

    Haha! For some reason I imagined that everywhere in the US vegan food is widely available. I guess I’m used to reading about Portland and NYC! I’m sure your cunning ploy to lure all those omnis into your restaurant sounds fantastic 🙂
    Thanks for sharing the Fawaffle recipe.

    Reply
    1. An Unrefined Vegan

      I live in what is affectionately (or not…) called The Flyover Region. It’s the part of the country that many Americans and most non-Americans aren’t aware of ;-). And veganism is a fairly rare thing.

      Reply
  4. thepeacepatch

    Good Food for Bad Vegans. I am kinda pushy about veganism when it comes to my family…does that make me a bad vegan? Mostly it’s just hoisting vegan treats on them with the flimsiest of excuses…”oh I need a taste tester”, “oh, it’s your half-birthday”, “oh, it’s the 30th anniversary of the first cookie eaten in space so you must eat these vegan cookies all day today”. None of them are vegan. Yet. 😉

    Reply
  5. thepeacepatch

    Ha! It’s my sister’s birthday this weekend and she is a waffle fiend! Perfect excuse for Falafel Waffles…thank you for the superamazing recipe! So happy I signed up for your email updates…this is perfect timing. 🙂

    Reply
  6. Brittany

    I laughed out loud at your comment about going through chemo because your arms don’t jiggle. HAHA. So true. Also I too would love to open a vegan shop, but WITHOUT telling anyone it’s vegan. Once people hear that word the flea out of fear!

    Reply
  7. lifeatthecircle

    Love the idea of a restaurant and the food items – and can semi-relate to the lack of healthy options in a town. “Semi” because my dad lives in TN and when we visit him, I know I can drive 1 hour away to get some vegan, otherwise I settle for coffee and bread.

    Reply
  8. Kelly G.

    Probably my lack of patience – it doesn’t exactly make me the most effective messenger for the cause. Errr, was that too serious an answer? 😉

    Mac & cheese. My addiction to mac & cheese makes me a bad vegan!

    Reply
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  10. narf77

    Don’t get me started Annie! When the local “vegan” option is lard fried fries and iceburg lettuce with a tomato cut into it I tend not to eat out EVER. Lucky we are penniless student hermit hippies and haven’t got the inclination to go out anyway ;). Love this recipe. Now I just need to find a waffle iron to make them in 😉

    Reply
  11. Kali's Tongue

    I don’t think my previous comment “took”. I’m bad because I don’t make sure I’m getting a good mix of nutrients. Sometimes I’m lazy and don’t want to eat the right things, but I do try most of the time.

    Reply
  12. clairesuellentrop

    I. Want. This. Book.

    Mostly to show my concerned family members (who STILL don’t think I get enough protein) just how awesome eating vegan really is. That falafel waffle? WOW.

    Reply
  13. Candy Hoffman

    Oh my goodness! I have the exact same thoughts of opening a cafe so I could actually eat out somewhere!!! But of course the food has to be disguised so no one suspects its vegan…or there’s no customers! I confess that I’m a “bad” vegan because I let my standards slide when I eat out or when I’m a guest at someone’s house.

    Reply
  14. Chelsea

    I’m a bad vegan because I don’t like peanut butter nor do I like coconut…peanut butter can be subsituted easily but coconut oil can’t a lot of the time..GRRR. I mean seriously, what’s up with that?

    Reply
    1. An Unrefined Vegan

      Let me tell you…You are SO correct. I make a pilgrimage about once a month into OKC to shop at Whole Foods and stock up on all of the “weird” items I need/like. Thankfully, the local grocery has improved their produce section.

      Reply
  15. Richa

    We do have a good load of vegan restaurants and options in seattle. i just dont go there often enough because of several reasons and one of them being the kind of food is just not what i would eat.
    now these meals i would gladly come to eat at your restaurant! falafel waffle yes!

    Reply
  16. Catherine

    I consider myself to be more of a badass vegan than a bad vegan. I strive to live a cruelty-free lifestyle and I think I’m pretty damn good at it! However, in terms of eating “bad” vegan food, I have got a killer sweet tooth and have been on a real burger kick as of late!

    Reply
  17. Cadry's Kitchen (@Cadryskitchen)

    I don’t know if it makes me a bad vegan, but it probably makes me a bad foodie that I dislike all sea vegetables. As much as I like the idea of sushi, the nori part grosses me out and makes my stomach flip flop. Even just the sushi rice with the vinegar in it doesn’t work for me. I’ve tried so many times, but now I give up. I’ll never be a sushi-loving vegan.

    Reply

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